tl;dr - “Religion makes people do terrible things,” the never ending saga!
I do not aim to defend, excuse, or support the Duggars in any way. But the media coverage has made me upset for several reasons. Of course Josh Duggar deserves to be punished for his crimes and of course his victims (including his sisters) deserve all the support and healing in the world. But there’s a really big distinction between two types of molestation: adults to children, and children to children.
In most cases, that I am aware of, children who molest other children were victims of abuse themselves first. Abuse and hidden sexuality is a learned behavior, not an innate one. While Josh Duggar was old enough to know that what he was doing was wrong, I am nearly certain he is not the only one responsible. This is not a gut feeling, I’ve observed a pattern here.
I, myself, am “the victim of childhood sexual abuse,” an “adult molested as a child,” and a “survivor of sexual assault” (and whatever dumb terms you wanna throw in there). The process of reporting my abuse, while it proved to me that the US Justice system cannot help people like me, also brought me to confront my abuser. He confessed to me that he knew everything he did was wrong, he knew it was inexcusable, and he was abused by someone before he began abusing others. My abuse from him began when he was thirteen, around the same age Josh Duggar reportedly began abusing his victims. Additionally, my abuser is a gay man in a conservative, Catholic, holier-than-thou family.
After I found out that my abuser was also a victim, my parents informed me that my uncle, also on the Catholic side of my extended family, was “involved in a rape” in his younger years. This I take to mean as he raped someone as an adult, not necessarily a molestation case. Just a guess here.
The pattern I’m starting to see is: when you try to squish human sexuality and behavior into a tiny box, it’s going to come out the sides.
Who would have thought: a religion that teaches people to suppress their sexuality, fear their own bodies, and feel shame for even thinking about sex LEADS TO A POOR, CONVOLUTED EXPRESSION OF IT.
On top of that: a religion that teaches men to be aggressive animals who are not responsible for sexual behavior and teaches women to be chaste flowers of modesty who are responsible for every man’s thought about her MAKES CHOOSING AND BLAMING A VICTIM TOO EASY.
I don’t care how joyful and connected and blessed your Judeo-Christian institute of religion makes you feel if this is the cost.
So far, just in my own 21 years, I have seen too many people get hurt by men and/or adults who either feel their actions are justified by an imaginary man in the sky or have no way to explore or express their development into a sexual being without abusing others.
To Josh Duggar and my abuser, I hope you get the help you need, the punishment you deserve, and nothing else.
To my fellow victims, I hope you get the help you need, the support you deserve, and the courage and ability to escape institutions that make you feel less than human. You are alive, strong, and healing. I hate being told that as much as any “victim/survivor,” but it’s true.
To everyone else, I know it’s easy to just shit all over people like Josh Duggar, but know that his actions do not exist in a void. He is a symptom of a larger problem, as is my abuser. Tweet all you want about what an evil family the Duggars are, but also be critical of the sources of their actions. Be critical and wise enough to see how these religious creeds negatively effect billions of people all the time. We shouldn’t need a story like the Duggars’ in order to start putting a stop to the all-powerful Judeo-Christian rape culture machine.
